I am feeling honest.
I had a friend tell me once that was why she hated blogs. People put so much of their lives 'out there' - all the emotional grit of life published for the curious world to stare at.
I think I may be an emotional grit publisher. Which I think, is a big step for me. I made a promise to God once; that if He would give me my tears back I would start being real. I have tears now, a pure gift from my Father - but the reality, that is something I still lack so much of.
I have moments where I am real - and honestly I try to be real. But for some reason people do not seem to notice my genuine attempts. They see the Erica they want to see - not the Erica who is. Sometimes I feel like the Erica they want to see, needs to be seen, or maybe one day they will realize I am not who they think I am. I don't want to be.
One day - things are going to come crashing down and all that will be left standing there is me. I both long for and dread that day.
I am lost is a place that remembers who I was and has created who I am. But refuses to acknowledge the growth and dirt of me in my trueness.
That same friend and I were talking in the same conversation about being known. I want to be known. And loved in spite of who I am.
And now more than ever I want the willingness to know people for who they are and love them...
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
...an emotional grit publisher...
Posted by Erica R at 12:16 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
I like this Erica. I would like to sit down with some tea and get to know this Erica. Thanks for sharing bits of yourself. I think, dear RA, that I would still like you, without your masks, just plain ol' you. You were such an important person to me at Bethany - you made me feel special and valued. Thank you for that. Maybe one day our paths will cross again, hey?
Hey Erica
I am very excited for you to be in the south country. I thought that God may call me to Assiniboia, but he has called me elsewhere for now. I am not sure, but if what you are feeling is comparable to feeling like the world thinks you are perfect and you know you aren't I understand. As I read your blog I was thinking that may be it's not that they think we are perfect, but they just see us for who God created us to be and the incredible potential that lays in wait to be exposed. Be encouraged my dear for your time is know and God knows exactly who you are and He loves you exactly that way.
Sherry P
i must say i am on the same journey. in spring i told adrian that from that moment on, i would refuse to not be known anymore. it's been interesting. being not seeming to be definitely is a challenge, but at the end of the day, being real brings me peace.
We're in the same boat here Erica. What are you doing on sunday evening? I hear Tims is a wonderful place this time of year.
I'm glad you are on this journey.
I remember when I decided to be transparent. I think most people can't take me because I am real with raw emotions and strong passions and oppinions. But I am learning that this is me and I don't need to be something that makes people comfortable. I want to live radically for Jesus and if that means being totally transparent, than that's what I'll be.
Blessings as you show others your true colors and see others for who they truly are.
hahah erica i was going to comment...but...i can't...because...i can't say...but hahhahhah ok. email me...
Erica. I'd like to think I know the real you. I'd like to think that you also know the real me. I miss you today... I miss you often - remember the water in my face at 3 in the morning? Or... stay where you are!!!?? only for us both to receive the shock of our lives? Or... your sick ass weiners nuked until they look like shriveled pieces of somethign I don't know what it is? Orrrrrr... random outburst's of our angst - "you think you're better than me...!!!!" Or... Erica, stop playing that game and get to bed... who did I think I was? Seriously love... Ah memories. Memories... I like you kid; hope you're OK... tears are beautiful; don't fear them, they are our friends. My eyes know many friends these days - and that is OK.
Post a Comment