Ok, would you mind if vented for a moment. (Ofcourse not! You just scooted your chair a bit closer to the screen because everyone loves a little drama).
I just had coffee (fine, diet pepsi) with a friend. A dear friend actually, she kindly asked me of my future plans and I kindly dodged the question. (Which I appear to be quite ept at). Finally after a little prodding I gave her the list. I hate giving the list because I am so completely clueless.
The list is something like this, "Well I could take this job that has been offered to me down there, there are two possible jobs over there, there is no job up there but it remains a possibility or...maybe I'll move to Korea." - (I love the closer because everyone looks at my like I have totally lost my sense of direction, but I am still serious. Its an option).
And my dear friend, who is happily married with three wonderful children and a dog, looked at me sadly and said, "Oh, Erica, you are going to have to settle down and commit to something." - Settle down? Commit? Oh yeah, talk about 2 phrases that make me wanna throw up. Why should I have to settle? Isn't this the time in my life where I shouldn't be settled? Where I should have adventure?
Maybe I am not meant to be settled? Am I really unsettled? Its because I am not married, everyone and their dog wants me married - that would settle me down. I mean I really tried to be the nice 'settled' girl everyone wanted me to be when I took this job. And everyone was so happy that I shook off the wanderlust and found myself in Saskatchewan. But I botched this didn't I? I just didn't feel like I was supposed to be doing this....to be honest I am scared to try any long term ministry because I feel like I don't have staying power.
Unsettled. Is that bad? It seemed bad at the time. I've been in college for the last four years for crying out loud - how unsettled is that? I don't even know why this bugs me. Give me and hour and a good chocolate bar and it won't bug me anymore.
Sigh, I am sorry. I just feel a litte bothered by my lack of direction thats all. You know, being so unsettled by nature.
(deep breath in, deep breath out).
I have now vented - so while I'm off rustling up a little chocolate. You have a good day. And thanks for listening.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Do I really look that unsettled?
Posted by Erica R at 1:29 PM
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10 comments:
Breath my beautiful friend! You are normal, and you are ok! If we all knew exactly what we needed, or where we were going, or felt completly at peace, ect. ect, we wouldn't need to depend on God. We wouldn't need his diection, and we wouldn't need faith. These are all things that God wants us to need, and have in Him. Besides, being married is for suckas! JKJKJK! Love you Erica!
And by "knew exactly what we needed", I meant HAD exactly what we needed!
Oh Miss Ray...I miss you. Why is it that you moved one step closer to Hepburn as we moved away?? Alas. From a married girl without a dog, yuck...no dogs...let me say that I too resonate with feeling unsettled. It seems that there's more out there. Perhaps we'll stay in the 'Peg for a few years, but really - who says that being "settled" is necessary. I think roots are good, somewhere to fall back on - people who know you, but I don't think it means you need to plant yourself down and buy a house, dog, and picket fence.
Explore, adventure, and when God calls you to - stay. Even if it is only for a while. And, for the record, marriage does not always have to be equated with "settling". And I'll never have a dog. Ever. Love you lots.
there is nothing wrong with being unsettled, in fact that is the only consistency in our life, and I love it! keep pursuing all options dear princess. you'll find the right one.
Be as unsettled as you want. I don't know where I'm headed. Who cares? Life is short, have fun, and Follow God!
Ok so here's the deal Erica, John and I have been in Ontario for three weeks now, we took a pic on like the second day and I've been holding it back for a moment such as this, so I'll email it to you and hopefully it'll brighten your day...i just wrote a blog entry on the whole unsettled thing as well, maybe i'm becoming as wise as your own self!
I would pay money to see that photo of Boschman and Dirom... seriously, it's probably hilarious... dude, fear not - all is well... I understand. Check out my blog - it's so pretty these days!
Erica~There is not much more I can say that others haven't told you already. But I wanted to share with you something I have been learning as I the girl who really should be "settled" and am not have been learning...you have to find a place where you can have joy.
As I leave my wonderful internship at the end of this week and face a future full of uncertainity God has been quietly showing me places where in the midst of my fear, worry, doubt and plan old craziness I can have joy. By joy I don't mean happiness, though that is a part of it, I mean just find this time and place where your spirit is relaxed, and at rest, where you can let go of everything else and just be you, where no one is telling you who you should be, what you should be doing and how you should be feeling. It is a place where you can just be you, insecurites and all! A place where you can let go and enjoy something. It is those times of simply letting go and being joyful I find the strenght to go on through the craziness. For me its in my flower bed, who would have though...:)I don't know if this makes any sense or helps but know that later tonight as I put on my gardening gloves and leave the world behind for a little while, I will be saying a prayer for you that God will show you where to find your peace and joy. And don't worry too much, He'll show you where you need to go too. This verse has been walking me through my time of unsettledness!
"I remember my afflication & my wandering, the bittnerness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:19-23
love ya always, & will be praying
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