I don't think I knew what I was getting into....

I am becoming increasingly more aware that I was totally clueless as to what I was getting into when I was 8 years old and innocently made the decision not to go to hell. I sat on the scratchy floor of an old camp cabin and prayed that Jesus would save me from hell - now I will admit that knowing Christ is so much more to me now, than simply not going to hell (though I have to say I'm ok with that part too).

But, what did I get myself into.

I once heard someone say that Christ was wrecking his life.

Christ is not someone who comes into your life and smoothes over the bumps and potholes that frustrate us and cause us to fall. He opens our eyes and hearts so we can see so many more pot holes and our hearts so we can cry when we helplessly watch others stumble amoungst them ~ with their Eyes closed.

And we can't exactly walk away from what Christ does to our souls. Once we have made Him a part of us we are marked...transformed. We can squint away our vision until we return to our darkness, but it is forced because we now know the light.

I don't think I am doing it right. Have you ever thought that? I mean I am walking sometimes eyes open - more times eyes squinted shut. But I am walking on this road and I realize...or re-realize that Christ wants me. All of me. Everything. Open your eyes all they way child because Christ wants all of me.

And I ask myself (not for the first time) what the heck does that exactly look like?

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Does this include me giving - fully giving all my burdens to Christ. I rather like holding on to them and keeping myself up until the wee hours in the morning as I wrestle with them...

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat--
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Right now my heart is wrestling...I am in the house of the Lord building and watching, but unless I give everything...everything to God it is in vain. Is my half sacrificial life lived in vain....

Quite a big thought to wrestle with...like I said the eight year old in me never saw this coming....