Apologies for the large view of my face...

I am computer illiterate to the greatest degree. You may disagree and argue that your great grandmother may be less suave on the computer than me but I beg to differ. I have met a few computer savvy elderly people and they dispel the myth of their computer inabilities. Your grandma knows what she is doing ... as a matter of fact she is probably electronically embezzling money from the world bank as we speak (excuse me, type).

The elderly will be my topic of discussion today. This afternoon we had Friendship Break at the church. Friendship Break is basically a chance for me to brush up on my Dominoes skills, sing some old hymns and lead a devotion with some wonderful elderly people in my church.

Today one of the hymns that was requested was 'Great is Thy Faithfulness' - and as the opening chords began a gradmotherly lady turned to me with a glowing smile and told me she sang this every single morning because God is so good.

I was stunned, I just kind of stared at her with my jaw hanging open because I happen to know that in her life has not been easy. She has been widowed three times, lost children and is in chronic pain due to arthritis . If I were her I don't think I could say that I sing 'Great is Thy Faithfulness' to God every morning. I think I would sing 'Why doth Thou Dispiseth Me' instead.

As a matter of fact, if I am honest, this past month I have been a spiritual state of whining because... well, because I am small in my faith. And this dear woman is so much more mature than I.

But she is right, I need to sing 'Great is Thy Faithfulness' to God every morning because I have never experienced anything other than His goodness.

That and your grandmother hasn't embezzled any money out of my bank account!

Do I really look that unsettled?

Ok, would you mind if vented for a moment. (Ofcourse not! You just scooted your chair a bit closer to the screen because everyone loves a little drama).

I just had coffee (fine, diet pepsi) with a friend. A dear friend actually, she kindly asked me of my future plans and I kindly dodged the question. (Which I appear to be quite ept at). Finally after a little prodding I gave her the list. I hate giving the list because I am so completely clueless.

The list is something like this, "Well I could take this job that has been offered to me down there, there are two possible jobs over there, there is no job up there but it remains a possibility or...maybe I'll move to Korea." - (I love the closer because everyone looks at my like I have totally lost my sense of direction, but I am still serious. Its an option).

And my dear friend, who is happily married with three wonderful children and a dog, looked at me sadly and said, "Oh, Erica, you are going to have to settle down and commit to something." - Settle down? Commit? Oh yeah, talk about 2 phrases that make me wanna throw up. Why should I have to settle? Isn't this the time in my life where I shouldn't be settled? Where I should have adventure?

Maybe I am not meant to be settled? Am I really unsettled? Its because I am not married, everyone and their dog wants me married - that would settle me down. I mean I really tried to be the nice 'settled' girl everyone wanted me to be when I took this job. And everyone was so happy that I shook off the wanderlust and found myself in Saskatchewan. But I botched this didn't I? I just didn't feel like I was supposed to be doing this....to be honest I am scared to try any long term ministry because I feel like I don't have staying power.

Unsettled. Is that bad? It seemed bad at the time. I've been in college for the last four years for crying out loud - how unsettled is that? I don't even know why this bugs me. Give me and hour and a good chocolate bar and it won't bug me anymore.

Sigh, I am sorry. I just feel a litte bothered by my lack of direction thats all. You know, being so unsettled by nature.

(deep breath in, deep breath out).

I have now vented - so while I'm off rustling up a little chocolate. You have a good day. And thanks for listening.

Random and Ridiculous

The other day I met someone who appeared to be beyond the random and ridiculous. I am random and ridiculous, therefore the said person appeared to be beyond me. Far beyond. If one were to accurately describe my thinking patterns it would be, you guessed it, random and ridiculous. I think its a coping mechanism.

For instance, my freshman year of Bible College I made the mistake of enrolling in Concert Choir. Most, people enjoy the entire group choral experience and for that I give them a mighty nod of appreciation, because I enjoy listening to them. I do not enjoy singing with them.

I entered into Concert Choir after being told I was most definitely an Alto. And I thought to myself, 'An alto, I am an alto? Is that some instrument? Do I have to play an alto - I most definitely do not know how to play the Alto...' Needless to say I was off to a rough start which only got rougher. I found the entire Tuesday evening class experience to be painful beyond words.

That is when I began to indulge in random and ridiculous thoughts. You know simple ones. I would often imagine the variety of ways the conductor/instructor could tumble off his podium which he ever so zealously pounced around upon. Oh, how my creativity passed the time and brought a smile to my face. I would like to point out that I am not cruel, as I never wished to see my seed of thoughts reach fruition. I was just entertained by them.

Random and ridiculous thoughts. Its the part of me that still believes in whimsical things. It is my fascination with fireflies (I am still not quite convinced they actually do exist). It is the joy of playing pretend with my little cousins or going for a walk when gigantic snowflakes are falling from heaven. Or jumping in a big puddle when I am walking with my sister because she hates wet feet and I still kinda get a kick out annoying her. Even though we are both adults.

The random and ridiculous are silly things that keep my ping pong brain occupied, it still lets me believe and search for a safe place, a home of sorts for my heart. It makes me wonder what those in this world who do not indulge in such fanciful things think about? Is being beyond wonder and imagination really such a good position to find one's self in?

Perhaps I will let the mighty person be above me - And I will call my sense of wonderment a gift from God. After all it never does any good for me to be above anyone else - The one thing I have no illusions about is my pride!

Just Another Day At Work